“Discernment, Angst, and Vocational Celibacy” in Mere Orthodoxy
Gen Z is anxious and lonely. What if God already knows your people and purpose?
You’re not the only one in sexual addiction recovery who relapses.
I’ve shared before that I’m in sexual addiction recovery (and that it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m gay or celibate). I’m grateful the Lord has helped me make real progress toward sobriety. But over the years, there have been slip-ups. Here’s what helps me rebound after a slip-up.
Why does God care who we sleep with?
It’s a question I hear often from LGBT+ people and allies who feel frustrated by what the Bible seems to say about sexuality. That God sounds like a buzzkill. Or worse, controlling.
Loneliness is quietly deconstructing the faith of gay Christians everywhere.
If you’re an LGBT+ Christian and trying to walk out celibacy but you feel like your convictions are starting to slip, maybe this sounds familiar. And maybe it’s helpful.
Sloppy Laws Risk Silencing Good Therapy (in The Dispatch)
Colorado’s "conversion therapy" ban got its day before the Supreme Court. Hopefully, it was its last.
"Will I go to Hell if I marry a man?"
If your church has used hell to scare you into celibacy, I’m sorry. That’s not the gospel. A guy recently DMed me on instagram wondering whether he would go to hell if he married a man (and died without specifically repenting of any gay s*x he engaged in).
Our brotherhood is pivoting to be open to more people.
Earlier this spring, the other guys in NFOB and I started discerning an invitation from the Lord to pivot to a different kind of intentional Christian community. NFOB was limited to people living in the same house, only for men called to lifetime celibacy, and pushed guys toward lifetime commitments.
Is it unfair to "force" people to be celibate?
I get this push-back (and similar) often. They argue that it would be cruel for God to call every Christian to abstinence outside of Christian marriage, regardless of how lonely they are or how unavailable faithful suitors are or what their sexual orientation is.
Why wouldn't God bless gay marriage?
A friend who no longer identifies as a Christian recently asked me, “Why would God not bless my gay marriage? What’s so wrong with gay sex?” If you’re a gay person trying to make sense of spirituality and sexuality, I have a heady theological answer. But to be honest, my first answer was: I don’t know.
Here’s why I still believe as a gay person…
If you’re a gay person trying to make sense of spirituality and sexuality, I hope this helps. When I hang out with friends who don’t believe in God, or who have been deeply hurt by the Church, our conversations eventually land on the big question: why do I even believe God exists?
Is God alone enough for single Christians?
If you’ve been told Jesus should be enough for single Christians, read this. Ryan Holland recently asked me about this on the Holy Heartbreak Podcast where we talked about the call to singleness and the ache of loneliness. Here’s what I shared:
Trans advocates contradict each other.
When the U.S. Supreme Court upheld Tennessee’s ban on puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, and surgery for minors (United States v. Skrmetti, 18 June 2025),¹ the decision was widely reported as a clash between conservative lawmakers and transgender advocates. Less attention fell on the division it exposed within pro-transition rhetoric. Within a single afternoon, two sharply different protest statements arrived in my inbox. One lamented that the court had “erased trans kids,” because some children are girls trapped in boys’ bodies and therefore need swift medical intervention. A second statement expressed concern that the ruling reinforced what it called “colonial fictions,” suggesting that rigid notions of male and female can be limiting and deserve re-examination.
Purity culture is just prosperity gospel in a white dress.
The real problem with purity culture wasn’t its commitment to abstinence. It was its promise of marriage.
“No one has a vocation of no. Everyone has a vocation of yes to something.”
That line from Eve Tushnet has stuck with me for years.
Dobson’s “Bringing Up Boys” intensified my gay closet pain
I recently went on the In the Church Library Podcast with Kelsey Kramer McGinnis and Marissa Franks Burt to explore how Focus on the Family impacted my masculinity and same-sex attraction.
What does the Bible say about romance and dating?
I’ll give you a hint: nothing… Scripture doesn’t talk about high school crushes or casual situationships. It doesn’t speak to whether it was wise for 1st century Christian teens to go for a swim in the Jordan River together, kiss goodbye at the end of the hangout, and giggle to their respective families afterward.
Resist gay temptation by running *toward* gay friendship?
Pastors and mentors offer 1 Cor 6:18 as the default, one-size-fits-all response to all sexual temptation: flee.
But when it comes to my sexual stewardship, I’ve been taught and practiced something different.
“How do I talk to my young kids about a friend who’s transitioned?”
A parent recently asked this about their former babysitter, someone they love and who has since medically transitioned. They wanted to welcome this person into their home during a visit, but didn’t know how to explain what had changed to their 5- and 7-year-old.
God doesn’t promise to take away trans feelings
Miraculous healing from gender incongruence (like same-sex attraction or chronic pain) isn’t promised to faithful Christians.
That might be a hard word. But it’s also a hopeful one.
If celibacy impact was guaranteed, what would you do?
I recently taught at a Christian university about vocational singleness and Christ’s calling in Matthew 19 for every Christian young adult to consider lifetime abstinence for the sake of the kingdom.