Loneliness is quietly deconstructing the faith of gay Christians everywhere.

What can we do about it?

If you’re an LGBT+ Christian and trying to walk out celibacy but you feel like your convictions are starting to slip, maybe this sounds familiar. And maybe it’s helpful.

Over the past 15 years I’ve done life with a lot of gay Christian friends who started where I did, held the same convictions, and walked the same path. But again and again, I’ve watched a heartbreaking pattern unfold.

And it makes me angry with the Enemy and with the Church.

Hopefully you’re not stuck on this trajectory yourself, but if you are, I want to offer a glimpse of where this could go. Not out of fear, but out of wisdom. Maybe it will move you to make a change.

I’ve seen my gay Christian celibate friends thrive for a season while they have community in college or when they get plugged into a young adults group with a lot of single people interested in doing day to day life together. Or maybe they live with extended family.

But then life shifts. People get married or they move away. Suddenly you’re meaningfully alone, and that season stretches into years.

So you learn to deaden that feeling of being alone in order to survive. You find the pain point for loneliness, and you somehow shut down the feeling. You tell yourself: Just hang on for a little while longer. Don’t sin. God will rescue me soon.

But eventually numbness becomes depression. Sometimes even despair and suicidality.

Eventually, you reach a breaking point and say, “God, this can’t possibly be your best for me. I’ve followed your wisdom and sacrificed so much, but all I have is lack.”

“So I’m going to try something different. I’m not even convinced of a different sexual ethic, but I have to try something different. I’m going to date some guys and see what happens.”

Unsurprisingly, when they move from disconnection to connection of any kind, their depression lessens. For a season, with the weight of depression and isolation lifted, they feel more delight and hope and connection to God than they have in years.

Then to try to make all of this fit together, they first perform theological acrobatics to read the Bible in support of same-sex marriages.

But after a while, they reluctantly agree with a majority of queer theologians who say that the Bible probably says what Christians have understood it to say for 2000 years: the God of the Bible condemns gay sex.

Yet these gay Christians continue to believe that the real God supports gay marriage. The Bible must just be outdated and lack authority or relevance for modern people.

But once they decide that the Bible and the Church can’t tell them who God is, they realize they are just worshiping a God they came up with in their own minds. They wonder, “What’s the likelihood that the God of my imagination is real?”

Eventually they stopped believing in God all together.

I’ve seen this story so many times. It starts with numbing loneliness. It ends with walking away from Jesus.

If you see yourself somewhere along that path, I can’t promise the Church will suddenly step up with the kind of community you need. I wish I could.

But I can say: bring your loneliness to God. Don’t hide from it. Let trusted brothers and sisters in Christ see it too. Facing its truth, no matter how painful, and bringing it to God and to His people, is probably your best chance.

I don’t have any magic solutions, but I can pray for you and pass on the resources that have been helpful for me.

Feel free to comment/DM “resource” for my personal list of books and articles.

Plus I’ll promise to pray for you :)

Watch the video at https://www.instagram.com/p/DP4Jmr7k9Bt