What does the Bible say about romance and dating?
I'll give you a hint: nothing.
Scripture doesn’t talk about high school crushes or casual situationships. It doesn’t speak to whether it was wise for 1st century Christian teens to go for a swim in the Jordan River together, kiss goodbye at the end of the hangout, and giggle to their respective families afterward.
Dating as practiced today is a modern concept that the Bible couldn’t have commented on. And the Scriptures never speak directly about the morality of non-sexual but romantic connection outside of marriage.
Yet, Scriptures do offer a clear theology of Christian marriage (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:3–12) and a vision for all Christians to steward their sexualities in God-honoring ways. But how does that apply to romance/dating?
Here’s the key question: Is dating meant to be a theological on-ramp to Christian marriage?
If yes, then the sexual difference necessary for Christian marriage would also apply to Christian dating. Christians would then refrain from same-sex dating and opposite-sex dating that lacks genuine intentions to eventually marry.
Most teenage (and even college) dating wouldn’t make the cut, for example.
But I’ve become convinced that there is no theological connection between Christian marriage and modern romance/dating. Which means...
The key is consistency.
If dating and romance aren’t theologically tied to marriage, then churches must disciple gay and straight Christians the same way about dating outside of marriage: either permit both, or forbid both. But we can’t keep applauding one while condemning the other.
Either non-sexual but romantic connection outside of marriage isn’t wise for any Christian, or it’s permissible for every Christian.
What do you think?
What does your church teach about dating? Is it consistent?
Follow-up: I polled the audience…
Here's a poll from X. Looks like most would allow everyone to date, if forced to choose. A number of you pushed back on the idea that modern dating/romance has no connection to Christian marriage. Let me explain.
Most Christians over the past 2000 years would be appalled by the level of emotional and physical intimacy modern Christian dating includes.
They'd identify modern dating as a secular cultural invention that the Church capitulated to after the sexual revolution (but attempted to baptize by adding a few more rules and arguing it might help a believer find the best match for serving the Lord together in marriage).
But that's all it is: a permission slip to cuddle and passionately kiss outside of marriage that Christians were afraid to resist because they worried every adolescent would leave the Church. It doesn't have anything to do with God's design for Christian marriage.
Anymore than contraception does, for example.
Contraception is a modern invention that brings up meaningful ethical questions. While it is a reality Christians must discern, it has no theological connection to Genesis 1 or Matthew 19 or Ephesians 5.
So Christians today are left to discern whether modern dating/romance is wise or helpful, recognizing that it has nothing to do with Christian marriage. I respect Christians who discern in either direction.
Primarily, I meant to point out that if modern dating has nothing to do with Christian marriage, that also means that the sexual difference necessary for Christian marriage is irrelevant to modern dating. If straight Christians discern that modern dating is permissible for them, then their is no theological reason to forbid same-sex dating.
To be clear, if I got to vote for the Church's policy when it comes to dating, I would vote for discouraging all dating and returning to some form of courtship.
But if the consensus of straight Christians is to allow dating for themselves, then believers should be consistent. And work together to anticipate and manage the risks modern dating brings.
Thoughts?
