I’ve shared before that I’m in sexual addiction recovery (and that it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m gay or celibate). I’m grateful the Lord has helped me make real progress toward sobriety. But over the years, there have been slip-ups. Here’s what helps me rebound after a slip-up.

It’s a question I hear often from LGBT+ people and allies who feel frustrated by what the Bible seems to say about sexuality. That God sounds like a buzzkill. Or worse, controlling.

If you’re an LGBT+ Christian and trying to walk out celibacy but you feel like your convictions are starting to slip, maybe this sounds familiar. And maybe it’s helpful.

If your church has used hell to scare you into celibacy, I’m sorry. That’s not the gospel. A guy recently DMed me on instagram wondering whether he would go to hell if he married a man (and died without specifically repenting of any gay s*x he engaged in).

I get this push-back (and similar) often. They argue that it would be cruel for God to call every Christian to abstinence outside of Christian marriage, regardless of how lonely they are or how unavailable faithful suitors are or what their sexual orientation is.

A friend who no longer identifies as a Christian recently asked me, “Why would God not bless my gay marriage? What’s so wrong with gay sex?” If you’re a gay person trying to make sense of spirituality and sexuality, I have a heady theological answer. But to be honest, my first answer was: I don’t know.

If you’re a gay person trying to make sense of spirituality and sexuality, I hope this helps. When I hang out with friends who don’t believe in God, or who have been deeply hurt by the Church, our conversations eventually land on the big question: why do I even believe God exists?

A parent recently asked this about their former babysitter, someone they love and who has since medically transitioned. They wanted to welcome this person into their home during a visit, but didn’t know how to explain what had changed to their 5- and 7-year-old.

I recently taught at a Christian university about vocational singleness and Christ’s calling in Matthew 19 for every Christian young adult to consider lifetime abstinence for the sake of the kingdom.

I recently went on the @felixoutstheworld Podcast with Felix Chen to talk about loneliness, spiritual kinship, and what churches owe their single members. I shared
something that gave us both pause.

I recently taught at a Christian university about vocational singleness and Christ’s calling in Matthew 19 for every Christian young adult to consider lifetime abstinence for the sake of the kingdom.

I recently preached the chapel message on back-to-back days at Asbury Theological Seminary. Check out this recording and transcript from the second day exploring the power of spiritual friendship to create belonging and enrich both single and married lives.

I recently preached the chapel message on back-to-back days at Asbury Theological Seminary. Check out this recording and transcript from the first day discovering how biblical discernment frees us to embrace love—whether in marriage or singleness—with gratitude and joy.

I recently went on the Celibacy is SEXY! Show with Taja Hereford to explore the challenges of involuntary singleness and how single Christians can embrace their circumstances to enjoy belonging and purpose.

Pastors and Christian leaders often ask me what seems like a bit of a sensationalist “what if” question: They ask, “What if a same-sex married couple with kids starts coming to your church, all of them become Christians, and the couple both become convinced of historic sexual ethics? What do they do next?”

I recently shared about my ongoing sexual addiction recovery. And I’ve posted in the past about the fact that same-sex attraction does not inherently lead to sexual addiction. But it’s true that gay people struggle with sexual addiction at higher rates than some other populations. Why? The closet.

In a recent sermon at Calvary the Hill Church in Seattle I shared about the difference between temporary and vocational singleness, and why we should consider vocational singleness instead of living in limbo. Temporary singleness is the default state everyone is born into, whereas vocational singleness is a lifetime vocation of singleness for the sake of doing kingdom work with undivided attention.

I recently posted a video sharing why I think God's wisdom for our sexualities is worth following (Proverbs 4:6-7, Matthew 7:24-25). I made a passing comment at the start of the video that I don't believe gay sex is a salvation issue. Some were surprised, so I wanted to explain.

You guys know that I don’t think our beliefs or behavior around sexual ethics is a salvation issue. There are people I disagree with about gay marriage, gay romance, and gay sex who will be in heaven. I recently shared about that at a church. While the head pastor and I were later debriefing the training, he asked me an honest question: if it’s not a salvation issue, why not just be with a man? Why not have your cake and eat it too?

Some Christians are theologically convinced that gay romance/sex are sins, but deep down they still feel like people need romance to be happy. Deep down, it doesn’t feel fair that celibacy often seems like the only option God offers to gay people. Some earnestly wonder whether God is asking gay people to sacrifice more than other Christians and whether that’s good.