Here’s why I still believe as a gay person…

If you’re a gay person trying to make sense of spirituality and sexuality, I hope this helps.

When I hang out with friends who don’t believe in God, or who have been deeply hurt by the Church, our conversations eventually land on the big question: why do I even believe God exists?

Especially when they hear about how Christians have hurt me as a gay person, or the lack of intimacy I’ve felt with Jesus over the past 15 years.

Honestly, belief isn’t easy for me. I carry doubts and plenty of reasons not to believe.

But here’s where I’ve landed: I hope there’s a God, and I choose to live my life as if that’s true. And strangely, despite my doubts, I keep believing. That persistence feels like something (or Someone) greater than me is holding on.

Looking back, I see a pattern. When I follow what I understand to be God’s wisdom, life tends to bear more goodness. Not arbitrary rewards or punishments, but evidence of a world that seems ordered, not random. Just like physical laws govern the universe, there seem to be moral laws too. Living in line with them often leads to greater goodness, which feels more like intentional design than chance.

The teachings of Jesus don’t read like a set of self-help tips from history. They feel alive, carrying a kind of divine truth that keeps bringing me life. That’s why, in the end, I believe. For me, the most reasonable explanation for all of this is that Jesus really is God.

I’d be lying if I said I never wished I had more certainty to cling to. But this strange mix of hope, experience, and Jesus’ wisdom has been enough. Enough for yesterday, enough for today, and I trust it will be enough for tomorrow.

Watch the full video at https://www.instagram.com/pieterlvalk/reel/DOMqY3Pk5iv/