Re-examining arguments against celibate partnerships.
I was too quick to dismiss them.
I recently went on the Celibacy is SEXY! Show with Taja Hereford to explore the challenges of involuntary singleness and how single Christians can embrace their circumstances to enjoy belonging and purpose.
Toward the end of the episode, Taja asked me about paired companionship similar to the spiritual betrothals of the early Church and “celibate partnerships.”
Back in January 2023, I wrote an article for Equip Insights where I cautioned against a common form of celibate partnerships, even calling experimentation with them sinful.
One of the biggest pieces of evidence I provided was that exclusive partnerships with an openness to romance seemed more similar to the spiritual betrothals of the early Church than spiritual friendships of David/Jonathan, Ruth/Namoi, etc.
Paul cautiously permitted these spiritual betrothals in 1 Cor 7 because there weren’t better alternatives for celibate Christians at the time. But by the 4th century, monastic communities were readily available for celibate people, and spiritual betrothals were deemed unnecessarily risky by Church leaders.
In my article, I argued that celibate Christians today could easily join or start intentional Christian communities, so the same prohibition against spiritual betrothals / celibate partnerships applied. I even pointed to the Nashville Family of Brothers as proof that “anyone can build it.”
But, I was too quick to dismiss celibate partnerships.
As I’ve hinted at in various posts, the Nashville Family of Brothers has been going through a challenging season. We continue to discern where the Lord is leading us. But it’s abundantly clear that the ground is not fertile for communities like ours in this age of the Church.
The circumstances in which gay celibate Christians today are trying to find companionship to help them faithfully abstain from sex and use their availability for the sake of the kingdom is more similar to Paul’s time and his cautious permission for spiritual betrothals.
I’m still processing this awareness. I still think that those celibate partnerships that are romantic and exclusive involve a level of risk that make them unwise for many. But at the very least, I want to recognize the faulty logic in my past spiritual betrothal argument.
And I want to apologize.
I want to apologize to anyone who read my Jan 2023 article on celibate partnerships and felt shamed that they weren’t trying hard enough to build something like the Nashville Family of Brothers.
I was overly confident, and I’m sorry.
Watch the full episode at https://youtu.be/vRzLoMmWY2o
