Classic personality tests like the Big Five OCEAN assessment identify a person’s level of agreeableness. There are both constructive and destructive ways disagreeable people can show up in their families and workplaces. For better and for worse, I'm a disagreeable person.

Paxton Barkdull recently had me on the Theology With Friends Podcast to talk about vocational singleness and LGBT+ topics, including how I arrived at a historic sexual ethic. It’s been a journey!

I recently had the opportunity to dialogue with Reginaldo dos Santos Gomes, who interviewed me for Vivendo em Comunhão. Reginaldo asked me to share how I came to terms with my sexuality and settled into vocational singleness. Many people (including Reginaldo) are surprised to hear that I dated women while being transparent about my sexuality, enjoyed romantic intimacy with them, and preferred to get married.

Pastors will admit to me in private that they hesitate to teach and offer practical support for biblical singleness for the sake of the kingdom, because they’re afraid it’ll lead to even less Christian marriages. I think they’re right to worry about Christian marriage trends, but I don’t think vocational singleness is the enemy.

I recently went on the Political Animals Podcast with Jonathan Cole to talk politics, faith, and sexuality. At one point, we explored why the double standard of sexual stewardship costs Christians' credibility inside and outside of churches. Many churches lead straight Christians to assume that they will get married, teach that we need romantic companionship to be happy, and ignore the Bible’s teachings about vocational singleness and divorce.

We’re lonelier than ever. And the way we’re doing friendship isn’t solving the problem. A recent Harvard study showed that 36% of Americans experience extreme loneliness. According to the study, the Pandemic revealed that our social fabric is full of holes. People are falling through the cracks.

I recently went on the Church Politics Podcast with Justin Giboney of the AND Campaign to talk about faith and sexuality, including the recent controversy around Pastor Alistair Begg and whether Christians should attend gay weddings.

How can Christians compassionately care for trans Christians? First, adopt a general posture of empathy and compassion. God made trans people in His image, and we must treat trans people with the dignity and respect every Imago Dei deserves…

I recently went on the Canadian Church Leaders Podcast to talk with Chris Price about how churches can better offer Christ's love and wisdom to LGBT+ people. At one point, we explored why historic sexual ethics don't seem to be convincing for many modern Christians. I've said before that I'm confident that historic sexual ethics stand up to intellectual probing and questioning. By my assessment, the evidence for revisionist sexual ethics pales in comparison. But arguments about sexual ethics are often unconvincing and unhelpful. Why?

I've had a couple of people ask me how straight affirming allies make me feel. To be honest, they make my life harder and I think they’re misguided…

Pope Francis made another controversial announcement about sexuality yesterday, suggesting surrogacy should be banned. A bit confusing, at least for some, right?

God made each of us for intimacy. But romance idolatry inside and outside of the Church often tricks us into believing that our loneliness is exclusively a cry for romance/sex. Yet when I meet with counseling clients who are lonely, I often ask, “If you had a spouse, what would that get you? How specifically would that person show up in your life and push back loneliness?”

No matter what words I use to refer to my sexuality, I'll be misunderstood by someone. Every possible term/phrase carries baggage with one group or another.

Watch my lifetime commitments to NFOB and vocational singleness, check out some early reflections, and read articles along my journey to lifetime commitments.

Well, it depends on what you mean by "healing."
For many gay/SSA people who directly or indirectly interacted with the pray-the-gay-away movement of the late 1900s, pastors and therapists promised that God would completely eliminate their same-sex attractions and replace them with robust general opposite-sex attractions if gay/SSA people prayed hard enough or went to enough counseling.

First, I try not to shame myself. In my experience, shaming myself for developing romantic feelings (and avoiding my crush out of shame) only leads to my attractions intensifying. The solution is healthy connection, not starvation and shame.

As I understand it, God didn't intend for me to be romantically/sexually attracted to men. Yet over the past 20 years, the journey of bringing my sexuality before God and asking Him how He wanted to use my brokenness has been the greatest blessing of my life. Not because of my brokenness, but in spite of my brokenness.

There’s a big difference between “call me in an emergency” family and everyday family. Let’s face it, any day without committed lived-in family is an emergency. While “emergency” family have good intentions, they’re only offering reactive and temporary support that ceases after the emergency.

I had the privilege of offering one of the eulogies at my grandmother's funeral. I shared many of the fond memories from an earlier tribute. But over the past few days, I've found myself wondering where, exactly, Gaga is now. What's she thinking? Feeling? Who is she with? I know these same questions have burdened others journeying through grief. So I closed the eulogy with the comforting answers to those questions found in the Scriptures:

A daily devotional on Ephesians 4:1-16 written for The Living Church