You guys know that I don’t think our beliefs or behavior around sexual ethics is a salvation issue. There are people I disagree with about gay marriage, gay romance, and gay sex who will be in heaven. I recently shared about that at a church. While the head pastor and I were later debriefing the training, he asked me an honest question: if it’s not a salvation issue, why not just be with a man? Why not have your cake and eat it too?

When I play back the tape on a lot of conversations from the past decade that ended in others feeling unheard, disrespected, and misunderstood, many of them would have gone better if I had just chosen to turn the cheek. But turning the cheek is hard for me. Maybe it's difficult for you, too. To be clear, when Jesus talks about turning the cheek, he's talking about responding to insult. He's referring to times when someone offends you or falsely accuses you. But I'm probably not a victim as often as I think I am.

Why would an lgbt+ person every want to attend my church? particularly if they're not a Christian and disagree with our sexual ethics? Honestly, that's a pretty universal question: Why would anyone want to be a part of a church that calls him or her to inconvenient stewardship of any kind?

How do you share the gospel with an LGBT+ person? In the same way you share the gospel with anyone else! LGBT+ people don’t need a different type of gospel or a different type of Jesus. Sometimes people respond, "Well, I guess I honestly don't know how to share the gospel with anyone unless the Holy Spirit has kind of teed me up for an easy home-run." There's no best way to share the gospel, but here's what I've noticed…

Eventually, every conversation about gender ethics and God’s wisdom for trans people seems to get to the point where someone claims, “Well, it’s transition or suicide.” And often, the conversation stops. This matters, because we know 41% of trans people attempt suicide, as compared to 1.6% of the general population. Stats like that demand attention. They can’t be ignored. But should is “transition or suicide” mantra true? Has transition been scientifically proven to reduce suicide risk? Long story short: No. Available research is inconclusive about whether hormonal or surgical transition effectively reduce suicide risk.

Some Christians get mad at me when I respect people’s pronoun and name preferences. Here’s the deal, just because I honor someone’s request doesn’t mean I’m theologically affirming their decisions. It just means that I don’t want terminology to be a barrier to getting to know a trans person.

Classic personality tests like the Big Five OCEAN assessment identify a person’s level of agreeableness. There are both constructive and destructive ways disagreeable people can show up in their families and workplaces. For better and for worse, I'm a disagreeable person.

Pastors will admit to me in private that they hesitate to teach and offer practical support for biblical singleness for the sake of the kingdom, because they’re afraid it’ll lead to even less Christian marriages. I think they’re right to worry about Christian marriage trends, but I don’t think vocational singleness is the enemy.

We’re lonelier than ever. And the way we’re doing friendship isn’t solving the problem. A recent Harvard study showed that 36% of Americans experience extreme loneliness. According to the study, the Pandemic revealed that our social fabric is full of holes. People are falling through the cracks.

How can Christians compassionately care for trans Christians? First, adopt a general posture of empathy and compassion. God made trans people in His image, and we must treat trans people with the dignity and respect every Imago Dei deserves…

I've had a couple of people ask me how straight affirming allies make me feel. To be honest, they make my life harder and I think they’re misguided…

Pope Francis made another controversial announcement about sexuality yesterday, suggesting surrogacy should be banned. A bit confusing, at least for some, right?

God made each of us for intimacy. But romance idolatry inside and outside of the Church often tricks us into believing that our loneliness is exclusively a cry for romance/sex. Yet when I meet with counseling clients who are lonely, I often ask, “If you had a spouse, what would that get you? How specifically would that person show up in your life and push back loneliness?”

No matter what words I use to refer to my sexuality, I'll be misunderstood by someone. Every possible term/phrase carries baggage with one group or another.

Watch my lifetime commitments to NFOB and vocational singleness, check out some early reflections, and read articles along my journey to lifetime commitments.

Well, it depends on what you mean by "healing."
For many gay/SSA people who directly or indirectly interacted with the pray-the-gay-away movement of the late 1900s, pastors and therapists promised that God would completely eliminate their same-sex attractions and replace them with robust general opposite-sex attractions if gay/SSA people prayed hard enough or went to enough counseling.

First, I try not to shame myself. In my experience, shaming myself for developing romantic feelings (and avoiding my crush out of shame) only leads to my attractions intensifying. The solution is healthy connection, not starvation and shame.

As I understand it, God didn't intend for me to be romantically/sexually attracted to men. Yet over the past 20 years, the journey of bringing my sexuality before God and asking Him how He wanted to use my brokenness has been the greatest blessing of my life. Not because of my brokenness, but in spite of my brokenness.

There’s a big difference between “call me in an emergency” family and everyday family. Let’s face it, any day without committed lived-in family is an emergency. While “emergency” family have good intentions, they’re only offering reactive and temporary support that ceases after the emergency.

I had the privilege of offering one of the eulogies at my grandmother's funeral. I shared many of the fond memories from an earlier tribute. But over the past few days, I've found myself wondering where, exactly, Gaga is now. What's she thinking? Feeling? Who is she with? I know these same questions have burdened others journeying through grief. So I closed the eulogy with the comforting answers to those questions found in the Scriptures: